Are you sitting in a season of waiting, crying out to God but feeling like He isn’t even listening? I ask because I am experiencing that very thing right now.
I have been a single mom for almost 9 years. Almost a decade. It blows my mind. I’ve only really had one relationship during that time, and that was years ago. When that relationship ended (and trust me, I clung on to it for far too long), I was devastated. I so badly want to belong to somebody. To be chosen. To be loved. I used to cry out to God to bring me a godly man who would partner with me in life. I used to quite literally cry out to God to bring me “my person.” But after praying that prayer for what felt like an eternity with no results, I decided it was easier to pray away the desire for a husband than it was to pray for the elusive man who would choose me and my five children. And so I gave up on asking God.
I poured myself into my kids and my career. I went back to school and got my accounting degree and then started a business. I made myself so busy I wouldn’t have time to address the gaping hole in my heart that comes from a life of loneliness. But recently, I’ve been feeling that desire for a relationship resurface, and it annoyingly won’t stay hidden in the recesses of my heart where I usually try to bury it. No, this desire for a husband is coming front and center and with that unmet desire comes heaps of confusion and frustration. And with that frustration, I’m finding myself doing some introspection about why this prayer of mine has gone unanswered for so long.
So, what are we to do when our prayers go unanswered?
1. Ask God if there is sin in your life that prevents your prayers from being answered.
The Bible is filled with verses that tell us that our sins may be preventing our prayers from being answered.
Psalm 66:18-19 (NIV),
” If I had cherished sin in my heart,
the Lord would not have listened;
19 but God has surely listened
and has heard my prayer.”
We must be so careful that we don’t treat God like He is a magic genie in a bottle who is there to meet our demands. If we are harboring sin in our lives, we are keeping a wedge between us and God, causing a fracture in our relationship with Him. Now, obviously God is not requiring us to be free of sin. If that were the case, we would never have an answered prayer. No, God isn’t looking for perfection. That is, after all, why He sent us a Savior. What God is looking for is a heart that desires to be close to Him and grieves when our sin prevents us from having a relationship with Him.
2. Ask God to align your desires with His.
James 4:3 tells us, “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
Just because we want something does not mean it is something that God wants for us. Asking God for wisdom and discernment will help us redirect our desires if need be so we don’t end up praying and asking God for something that He doesn’t want for us.
3. Trust.
Ah, this one trips me up. I don’t doubt God. I KNOW He can do anything. My lack of trust is directed at myself. I don’t trust that I got #1 and #2 right! But, for argument’s sake, let’s say you’ve spent time confessing and repenting of your sins and you’ve spent time seeking out God, asking Him to align your desires with His, well then you’re left with this Bible passage to mull over…
James 1:6-8 (NIV)
“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
4. Wait.
I’m convinced that sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers because He is wanting to work on our character. James has another wonderful nugget for us…
James 1:3-4 (NIV)
“…because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
It gets really difficult to have a desire for something and feel like that desire goes unnoticed by God, at best, or is ignored by God, at worst. But the truth is, God loves us, and He wants only good things for us. Whether that’s confronting sin in our lives, desiring only godly things, or coming to a place of complete trust in what His plan is for our lives. All of those things are good for us even though none of them are the direct answer to prayer we may be looking for.
And who knows, maybe someday your prayer will get answered. And maybe someday I’ll find my best friend.
In the meantime, let’s keep leaning into the One who holds tomorrow in His hands.
