You are the most influential person in your child’s life.

(And if you’re not, then you should figure out why and change that)

Have you ever stopped to think about what your purpose is as a parent? If you haven’t done so, I encourage you to reflect on that question for a bit. I would venture to say that a lot of us end up parenting in ways that conflict with our ideals, values, and goals that we have for ourselves and our children. Without a clear vision of what we’re aiming for, we end up making parenting decisions that will produce results that we wouldn’t choose for ourselves or our children. We end up parenting with a very short-sighted goal. Like the quickest way to end bickering between siblings rather than teaching how to handle conflict.

Good parenting requires intentionality.

If we aren’t clear about what we’re trying to accomplish or why we’re trying to accomplish it, we spend our days aimless and directionless at best, and destructive at worst.
Good parenting requires thinking about the end result.

I want my children to become adults who love the Lord, love people, take care of their families, contribute to society, and feel confident in who they are in Christ. Envisioning how I want their lives to look when my time parenting them is done helps me know how to navigate the day-to-day stuff, whether trivial or monumental. If I have an end goal in sight, I know how to strategize.

Knowing how you want your child to be as an adult will help you formulate parenting strategies to help them get to that point. If you want your child to be able to handle big life challenges as an adult, for example, you will think twice about shielding them from everything as a child as doing so won’t help them build resiliency and grit.

Every parent is going to have different values and goals for themselves and their family. As you think about parenting with intentionality, here are some areas that I, personally, aim for when it comes to my parenting. Whether or not you have similar values, use these as a starting point to figure out YOUR goals for your children.

The #1 goal of parenting is to prepare your child for life in….

IN THEIR FAITH

I want my children to be rooted in their own individual relationship with the Lord. I don’t want them to have religion. I want them to know their Heavenly Father intimately and personally. This is the most important goal for me as a parent and drives every strategy I have, first and foremost.

IN THEIR EMOTIONS

Let’s be honest, our society seems to be losing the ability to control their emotions. A phrase I repeat frequently in our home is…

Control your emotions so they don’t control you.

An adult who can’t control their emotions will have a much harder time in life. Whether it’s anger, impatience, our meltdowns, unchecked emotions can wreak havoc on one’s relationships and career. Because of this, I try to toe the line of acknowledging emotions while also taking control of them. The Bible warns us that the heart is deceptive (Jeremiah 17:9). Emotions are fickle, being swayed by the littlest of things such as hunger, hormones, and lack of sleep.

IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS

Developing the skills and tools to foster healthy relationships is something I aim for with my children. That means that when there’s conflict between siblings, we talk about healthy ways to resolve it. When we’re feeling lonely, we talk about the need for community and how a lack of that affects us. If a child has conflict with a friend, it requires me not going into mama-bear mode and defending my child without question, but taking the opportunity to ask if my child is contributing to the problem. The goal needs to be learning how to have healthy relationships in all areas of their lives.

IN THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES

I don’t think there’s a (good) parent on the planet who doesn’t want their children to have a life filled with success in all areas of life. And I don’t necessarily mean financially successful as that can have its own pitfalls. I mean, being successful at LIFE … setting goals, reaching goals, being at peace, having confidence, and on and on. All success comes from one knowing how to handle their responsibilities. Whether that’s your responsibility as a parent, spouse, employee, friend, homeowner, or pet owner. If you want to succeed at any role you need to know what you’re responsible for in that role. Because of this, teaching your child about responsibilities is so crucial. Giving your child things that they need to be accountable for helps them develop the character and skills necessary to take care of what they are stewards of as adults. Holding them accountable for their responsibilities as children helps prepare them for a life that will absolutely hold them accountable.

IN THEIR INTELLECT

Life is just easier when you have knowledge. I want my children to have a wealth of it. But more than that, I want them to love learning. For me, this has meant exposing them to less screens and more books. Encouraging unique interests whether that’s a new-found obsession with whales (wow, I learned so much about orcas that year) or baking or fishing or music. If your child shows interest in something, take it and run with it. Find all the books you can for them to pour into. If possible, find hands-on experiences for them to experiment with. Ask questions and really let them shine in their new interest. This fosters a love of learning and exploration that will carry with them into adulthood, making them interesting and well-rounded people. Oh, and please put away the tvs and phones and ipads.

IN THEIR FINANCES

It’s not fair to take a kid who has had no training in money and then throw them out into the world where they’re all of a sudden supposed to know about debt and insurance and taxes. Doesn’t that seem cruel? Financial literacy has always been really important for me to teach my kids. They get jobs as soon as they’re able (usually 14 or 15 depending on what’s available). From the time they get their first cash gift, half always goes into a savings account. We use budget books (here) to budget their spending money. We talk about insurance and taxes (great for exploring the topic of politics and why it should matter to them!). My teenagers have the freedom to save and spend how they want from the money they earn, but we definitely talk about whether or not those are wise purchases. We discuss upcoming expenses they may have (maybe an upgraded phone?) so they’re not tempted to spend everything as soon as they earn it. Finances are going to be a big part of their lives, so I want to make sure they’re prepared for adulthood on day 1?

IN THEIR SOCIETY

We should all feel a sense of duty to the society in which we live. We should want to make our world better, and this starts in the town we live in. It starts in the home. I want my children to become adults who contribute to their society rather than drain from it. If I’m raising rude children, they’ll become rude adults. If I raise inconsiderate children, they’ll become inconsiderate adults. I want to be a blessing to those we encounter, and I want my children to grow up to be the same.

Parenting is the greatest gift and the greatest responsibility. God has entrusted you a soul to love, nourish, and guide. It is an honor and privilege to raise children, and it should be done with the greatest care and intention.

This life is short…be intentional in all you do.