Have you ever made a list of traits you’re looking for in a future spouse? Even just a mental list? Maybe you have your “must have” qualities that you know you won’t settle on, and then you have your “would like” qualities that aren’t deal breakers. If you haven’t thought about what you’re looking for, I encourage you to do that.
Now I want you to think about the type of person that embodies those characteristics and ask yourself, “Would that person be drawn to who I am right now?”
Our culture is very good at telling us all the things that we should be looking for in someone, but what we don’t hear enough of is conversation around whether or not you are preparing yourself to be in a relationship. Are you doing the work to become the version of yourself that aligns with what you’re looking for and asking of someone else?
I’ve been praying for God to send me a godly man for some time now. It has me thinking a lot about whether or not that type of man would see who I am as a woman and be attracted to my character. It also has me thinking a lot about my past relationships and how I was as a person likely contributed to attracting the men I attracted.
My ideal man is someone who loves the Lord. He appreciates and values family. He desires to be the leader of a home, providing and protecting what God gave him. He knows the importance of surrounding himself with other godly men for encouragement, accountability, and growth. The things of this world don’t hold much weight in his eyes, but his focus is on the eternal.
What kind of woman would this man be looking for?
I don’t imagine I could find such a man if I were self-absorbed, materialistic, and superficial. I think he would be looking for a woman who also loves the Lord, and wants to lean into the feminine role God created for her. She is self-controlled, gentle, full of compassion, works hard to take care of what God has put in her care.
Now, that’s just a small sample of what I want in my ideal person, and what I imagine he would be looking for. Maybe you have different things that are important to you. Maybe you’re looking for someone who is very career-driven, financially successful, health-focused, minimalist, etc. The point is – are you living your life in a way that attracts what you’re attracted to?
I think about a person who would just really love to live a healthy, active lifestyle. They envision having a partner who they can workout with and cook good meals with. But that person isn’t living a healthy, active lifestyle on their own. What do you think the odds are of them attracting an individual who is living that way? Probably not great. They need to first become what they desire to have.
Now, I am not saying change who you are to try to please someone else. Please, don’t. Stay who you are. But if you envision a certain lifestyle with a partner, you should probably make sure you’re living that lifestyle alone or you greatly reduce your odds of finding your ideal match.
And if you never find your ideal match…well, then you are becoming the type of person you value and that will bring with it its own sense of fulfillment and joy.
