Being a teenage girl these days isn’t easy. With two teen daughters and one pre-teen daughter, I know this all too well. Raising them to become women who love the Lord, lift other women up, have confidence (without arrogance), and a desire to pursue the innate feminine features they were created with feels can feel almost impossible at times. The world is trying to convince them that beauty means sexy, happiness comes from self-gratification, and true empowerment is being a girl-boss where you “don’t need a man”. Here are some things I really want my girls to understand as they grow into womanhood.
YOUR FEMININITY IS A STRENGTH, NOT A WEAKNESS
Something tragic has happened to our society, where femininity is no longer celebrated. Or the femininity that is celebrated is hyper-sexualized, placing emphasis only on the physical attributes that women have to offer the world. What I want my daughters to understand is that God has intentionally created women to be soft, compelled to make things beautiful, driven to nurture and care, and to feel deeply. I believe God instilled in both men and women different characteristics of Himself, but He did it in a way to showcase the beautiful harmony that comes when men embrace masculinity and women embrace femininity. Our society tries to tell us women that we can be strong just like men. We can be career-driven. We don’t “need” a man. And sure, some of that may be true, I guess. But does focusing on those things allow us to pursue the femininity that God created us to have?
I want my daughters to know that leaning into their femininity doesn’t make them weak, but rather makes them stronger. There is something so powerful about being soft and calm enough to comfort a child in distress. There is power in having the humility to follow a godly husband’s lead, encouraging him to step deeper into his role as leader of his home. There is power in the self-sacrifice necessary to bring human life into the world and then devote almost two decades to nurturing that child in such a way that they are confident and capable enough to step out into the world on their own. There is power in knowing that your beauty does not come with your outward appearance, but rather comes from a gentle and quiet spirit (I Peter 3:4), freeing yourself of the need to look a certain way for approval from others.
SOMEONE ELSE’S “PRETTY” DOESN’T TAKE AWAY FROM YOURS
I want my daughters to celebrate the gifts and success of other girls around them. So often, as females, we feel threatened by another female’s beauty or talents or gifts. We constantly compare ourselves. Are we as pretty as she is? Is she more popular? She’s funnier. Her laugh is better. She has nicer clothes. Over and over and over again, we silently compete with other women. But the truth is that someone else’s “pretty” doesn’t take away from our own “pretty”. What I mean is that just because someone else has a positive trait, it doesn’t diminish my own positive traits. Sure, she may actually be physically prettier than me. But it doesn’t take away from my positive traits.
We should be building each other up, understanding that to rejoice in gifts that God has given someone else does not mean He hasn’t given me my own gifts. Some of us are physically beautiful, some have an infectious laugh, some are smart, some are creative, some are wise. God gifts us differently, and it’s important to know that her “pretty” doesn’t diminish mine.
EXPECT TO BE TREATED WELL BY MEN, BUT NEVER DEMAND IT
I was raised as a daddy’s girl, living in a house with six brothers and no sisters. My dad has always treated my mom and myself so well. Dropping us off at the door and then parking. Never letting us carry heavy things. Always protective and caring. I want my daughters to look for men who have a heart to protect those God has placed in his life. I want them to look for men who respect them and love them.
Sadly, our society has a thing against masculinity, and men are sometimes afraid to even open a door for a woman because she might take offense. Because of this, it’s becoming all too common for men to not even know how to treat women in the way that I was raised. Thankfully, my two adult sons have been a wonderful example to their sisters. They compliment them regularly, offer to do things for them, and treat them with gentleness and kindness.
So, as my daughters are entering the dating stage, we talk frequently about how they should expect a man to treat them well, but if a man isn’t treating them well, they should never demand it. If it’s something that is really important to them, they should gently and kindly bring it up. Sometimes men have a desire to be chivalrous, but maybe they didn’t grow up in a home where that was shown. Or maybe his way of showing it isn’t translating in a way she understands. Communication is crucial. But what I never want my daughters to do is to demand that they be treated a certain way. The desire should be to have a man who makes you feel loved and protected and provided for. That should be the expectation. But it should never be a demand. Explain how those things make you feel, and see what he does with it. If he doesn’t desire to provide you with what you need, walk away.
YOU CAN (and should) DO HARD THINGS
It’s a fine line to walk between being soft, gentle, and feminine and also having some grit to get through what life will undoubtedly throw at you. If my family had a motto it would be, “We do hard things”. We say that phrase often. We never focus on the outcome as the measure of success. We focus on the effort put into it. There is bravery in trying new things and pushing one’s own limits. And we celebrate those efforts each and every time. And what I’ve found is that time and time again, my kids end up pushing themself past what they thought they could, and they gain confidence that they have what it takes to tackle hard things.
Whether my daughters end up married with kids, single with a career, or anything in between, they will need grit to get through life. I want them to know that they are capable of having a gentle and quiet spirit while also withstanding the hard stuff in life in a way that only the strongest could do. To make sure they know how to do that, we continually try the things that are scary to try. With each attempt, confidence is built.
My job as mom is to equip my children with the skills and tools necessary to head out into the world on their own, feeling confident in their ability to make decisions, while having the tools necessary to deal with the failures and challenges that will come.
What things do you think young women should be hearing? I’d love to hear it! Comment below.
Until next time…here’s to living a life being mindful of everything we do.
